In preparation for a male to transition to a female they really should have facial electrolysis done so not to have that five o’clock shade. Not only does this bring one into alignment with one of the female traits of smooth soft skin but also elevates the need for constant upkeep of shaving every single day.

There are many factors to how much electrolysis is needed an varies from person to person. For me it after the fact it was several stages done of the span of several years. At first it was every two weeks. Doing this every two weeks allows one area to be done then move to another area then move back to the first area. In general there is a hair growth cycle so one area can not be worked on each visit, my cycle is three weeks which is pretty average.

What could had been intolerable was the upper lip area but was fortunate to have a technician with an agreement with a dentist in the same office complex. Prior to her working on my upper lip area I would get an injection from the dentist then proceed with a hour session concentrated on the upper lip region.

For years after all facial hair had been removed I still had sessions as there were many very fine white hairs that grow very long but were hard to see so I did one hour sessions for several years to remove them.

Many think that you get all hairs removed but that is not so, just about all females have what we call peach fuss which is very hard to detect which is where I am at and can not remember the last time my face was worked on outside of my eyebrows. One year ago I have permanent cosmetics done on my brows so the additional electrolysis was done as the procedure altered the structure of my brows to be more like a natural female. The brow area is pretty much done also, work gets done on them every three months for about 15 or less minutes.

Now comes pain, to prepare for GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) one must remove hair in the genital region as shown in the simple drawing below.

I needed to find someone else to do this as the current person had a stroke and lost the use of one arm. I got a electrolysis technician who had never done this before and would not do this just for anyone but she agreed to do this for me as I had used her while the other woman was recovering from her stroke.

She suggested I get a cream that needed a prescription from my doctor which in turn stepped it up a notch.

Before beginning (weeks prior to starting) we chatted about how much needed to be done and her plan for moving forward. The position was no different then how she does the female region and after several weeks made adjustments position wise when moving to the area under the scotum area where even with the prescribed cream I would rate the pain level at four where one is low and ten is high. Now the it is important to know that pain could be higher depending on the skill of the person doing the work along with the person pain threshold tolerance for pain. I saw a special on television that shows to some degree a male going through this procedure and this person was crying like a baby. Thank goodness I took this much better.

Anyone who is considering male to female transition needs to know that genital and facial electrolysis are critical to transitioning and are only a small part of the journey but your resolve must be strong, otherwise you journey will be hard and I believe that many do not have this in their mindset and can very well lead to a downward spiral which is not good.

Anyway I had a two hour session on my genital region today with three more sessions remaining until my surgery in less than thirty days. Afterwards I went to a doctor appointment for a EKG and HIV lab work. My doctor was kind to mail the EKG report to my surgeon and will do the same for the HIV results next week when they are done. I am also gratefully to his staff who are so nice to me and every time I go in they always have nice things to say too me.

I was very content at work developing solutions at my day job of 18 years and teaching self-defense for eight years but there was the disturbing and lingering issue of being in the wrong body which has loomed over me for fifty plus years. Every week day after work would come home from work immediately remove my male clothing and change into female clothing which also entailed tucking my male parts and using breast forms to complete everything which unfortunately was temporary till the next morning when it was back to male mode. Weekends were pretty much the same as I taught many weekends so no luck for most weekends to be in female mode.

I so envy females which I viewed as beautiful creatures and knew deep down that I would still viewed females the same way if only I could transform via hormones and surgery. So with the above in mind it was becoming extremely difficult to live life as I had been and needed to make changes.

For me I was not going to flip a switch by tossing out the male life I have been leading and from here dress and act female, this would not work, people do not take change this way especially when most had known me as a self-defense instructor ranging from everyday friends and co-workers to military and police. Heck I was told many times (and if push comes to shove can back this up) that people thought I was some type of federal agent.

Back in 2003 I was employed by a local specialized security team for a political event for three days. During this time I stopped a bad situation before it happened. After the situation was circumvented the person i detained asked what agency I worked for. I laugh now looking back, me in an extremely expensive suit which was custom made to carry a firearm on my waist (the belt loops were to small for me special belt), both front pockets were done to allow various things to be carried in them by using stronger materials and pockets within pockets. Yeah I wore dark glasses and used a device like you see in the movies to communicate to others working the event. Just wearing a suit does not give the air of “agent” but one’s demeanor is everything, not cocky as this does one no good but something inside of yourself does this along with experience of doing this many times. In everyday life that followed me, the persona of “agent”.

Many people in my situation (male to female, female to make) will believe that their other side shows in public so we will over compensate by going to extremes to portray the gender people see us. In 2001 my wife left me, reasons had nothing to do with my female entity but other things. I made the decision to date and did I date. How many woman I dated, heck I lost count. Every single woman I dated (and this is important to understand) was because I envied them as females but not for several years later realized this.

One woman in particular comes to mind, after a few weeks together she said something to the tune of “we have met before in another life and you were the female and I was the male”. On our very first date (going back to my agent thing) she told me later is was cool seeing me take off all my weapons before going into a bar as my rule of thumb is not to go into bars with firearms when I might drink a lot and could become a problem if something bad happens.

On a date with another woman about a year later I was sitting in a public park in Portland Oregon when a group of wannabes started some shit and got in my face saying inappropriate things to my date. Long story short I dropped one unconscious which caused the other two to scampered away leaving their friend there.

Back to two years ago, more than one night while going to sleep I kept thinking that I can not go on like this and needed to make changes. I was relentless with my research followed by enlisting a therapist to validate what I knew to be true. This therapist had gone from female to male many years ago so they knew better than others what I was going through. He also interviewed me for a up coming book he was writing and was placed into the book which came out two months ago.

I was fortunate to enlist a doctor to administer hormones. She is a male to female. She said that I had many physical female traits but made a very bad choice for a wig (at that time I had very short hair). Six months ago on a physical checkup she said “I can see difference in you which are indeed from the hormones”. I am still using me regular doctor who said he is not willing to work with my female side until after surgery which I totally agree with him. He said after surgery he would work with me but use a female associate doctor in the same office. I have to say we have a good patient doctor relationship and he is very supportive of me in the direction I am taking.

I have two dentist, one for normal things while the other for periodontal disease. Both are supportive of my decision.

My hair stylist just took over the shop in the past year, first time there I was in mixed mode and told her what I was doing and said next time I would be in as a female. Next time I am wearing a skirt, tights and ankle boots. As I am walking up to the door she is staring at me with a smile. She said “we just got a new computer system for checking in customers”, could you please sign in with your female name. I was getting my hair trimmed and all the while we chatted about my journey and spied one of the other employees staring at me. After a few minutes she came over and said something like “I can’t believe the changes you made and took me 10 minutes to recognize you”. I thought, now that is a compliment as she informed me there was no doubt in her mind I was female but the face resembled me as she knew me for many years.

In the past say eight months I believe that the majority of people I come in contact with see me as female while in the few months prior I know there were some who were not sure. It goes back to who I presented myself prior when people saw me as some badass or agent. It is how one carries themselves which I can not say enough about other than I must be doing it right and know also that I have much to learn which includes continually working on my female voice.

On Christmas day I was configuring my new laptop when my mother called, I picked up the phone and said “Hello” (did not look at caller ID), she said nothing then said, i Kevin there? Thought quickly after realizing my voice was female and changed to male mode followed by changing the subject when she said it did not sound like me. So I have fooled my mother and learned that I really need to look at caller ID from now on.

My best friend evaluates my voice each and every time we chat on the phone which really helps me out as talking as a female on the phone take more work for me for some reason. She tells me 95% of the time she hears a female while there are a few times I lower my voice a tad.

Well enough for now, more to follow.

I am just under 60 years old and beginning a new passage in my life which is in some ways long overdue while at the same time the timing is just right. Roughly five years ago I made the decision to move forward but then decided to wait a few more years so I may complete a few things that may not be possible after my new life begins. A very close friend of mine and her children told me this was a good time for me to take this journey and was the right time. What caused paused was I was teaching self-defense for 14 years in a professional group that I believe would be fine with my decision but also realized the students may not understand or feel uncomfortable with me. In the year and a half I stepped down from teaching in this group so not to cause any issues towards the owner and his students. In the time I had an existing contract to teach to a large corporation which were fine with what i was preparing to do then once finished a several month contract with them I made the decision to stop until June 2015 which at that time I will seek out new students.

My journey is one that I did not chose but instead was compelled because of my genetics in that in short since I was a young child knew something was not right and as time went by, did research and realized my issues were nothing anyone including myself could change to make my fit in. Only I could change or life a life which was imbalanced. In 2009 I enlisted the services of a therapist to see if what I believed was true could be affirmed. We had several sessions together and at which time was told I was on the right path.

Here is where I paused as there was a complication and my need to fulfill a few things with teaching self-defense.

In 2013 I enlisted another therapist and a doctor who was well versed with the issues stopping me from being who I should be.

Who should I be? A female but was born in a male body which had the brain of a female which is commonly known as a transgender person. I would not wish this upon anyone be it a person with a female brain in a male body or a male brain in a female body. You know all of your life something is not right and many times will over achieve in the body you were born with or the other extreme become depressed or suicidal prone. They will try and fit in, get married and have children but at some point will fail and destroy families and such. For me I was not depressed to the point of wanting to take my own life but have been depressed from time to time. Depression came from thinking I could never fix the problem, being in a male body when I should had been in a female body.

Things change in 2013 with the assistance of the therapist and doctor and have never been more happy and content.

In the past year I have been living full time as a female and been taking hormones in preparation of GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) on January 27, 2015 which is at this time one month away.

The main intent for this blog is as a diary to document my journey to becoming a female which of course I can never be the same as someone born as a female but will be to the best modern surgery can do. Also, surgery does not resolve all issues but for me couple this with continual support of friends, doctors and therapist I believe without a doubt I will be very happy and I am very happy right now.

I will be in California from 1/25 to 2/6/2015 and will be documenting the best I can dependent on what type of medication I am given.