Monthly Archives: February 2015

One month since surgery

27 Friday Feb 2015

Posted by in Life, My journey, Post surgery, Thoughts

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So one month ago I had my GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) and reflecting back on the says since then. It has been a wonderful thirty days filled with both ups and downs but there were more up’s then downs.

For the first several weeks I was napped a great deal, once or twice a day. In the past week I may or may not take a nap but when I do it’s about 30 minutes rather than one or two hours which as what happened the first three weeks after surgery.

Over the past few weeks there has been a throbbing pain where my legs meet my torso but as the weeks go by the pain is less and less and expect it to be gone soon.

I am very happy that I moved forward with GRS, it has indeed made me a a much more happier person overall.

The image below is from about four years ago when I made up my mind to move forward with surgery which is what the smile is all about.

Smiles

Experimenting with dildo

24 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by in Life, My journey, Post surgery, Sex

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The past several nights I’ve let my imagination run wild which lead to experimenting last night with a vibrating dildo which I purchased from a local adult store yesterday. In the past I would purchase toys for my female partner and now the tables have turned, me buying them for myself.

The dildo is just over average size of a male’s penis and the girth also average as I did not want something that would ruin the first time experience. I lubricated the dildo while having my imagination go wild, slide the dildo inside of me very slowly, in and out and have to say it was a very good feeling and my vagina took the whole thing in no problem. After awhile I tried it with the vibrator and each of the three speed and to be frank, did not want to stop and it went on for a while treasuring this new feeling. So now I am looking forward to this real soon again and will be interesting to see how things go over time.

Orgasmic feelings again

23 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by in My journey, Post surgery, Sex

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Last night I could not get to sleep at my regular time which is about 8PM as this fits me most of the time because I get up at 3:30AM.

Well it was about 11pm and felt like I could go to sleep very fast rather than just laying there waiting for sleep to come. So while dozing off I have get a flash of me with a partner and there it goes again, radiating out from my public region, tried to ignore it as I really wanted to get to sleep but that did not happen. Instead thought I would try massaging and see what happens. I found ‘the spot’ but did not expect much to happen as the majority of post ops report O’s months down the road so I expected the same.

Things were happening just enough to know my stuff was working and figured that I would stop. Rolled over and dang, there was a undeniable rush (for lack of better terms) of should I say lovely feelings. Guess I am not getting to sleep anytime soon. I did not give into going any farther even though I know I could get more from this experience but I rather have sleep. Took another hour and a half to doze off and while laying there I worked on blanking my mind out so the same thing would not happen again.

Note: While writing the last paragraph above the rush came back, such a good feel and very much different than how males get aroused.

Orgasmic feelings

21 Saturday Feb 2015

Posted by in My journey, Post surgery

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Generally speaking I hear that after surgery one can experience an O several months after surgery. Last night (under one month after surgery) I had a fantasy while falling asleep and felt a pleasant exotic sensation triggered by the fantasy but took no actions as I want to heal properly before even trying but it was nice to know that there were sensations down there and radiated outwards.

Sex Orientation Scale

19 Thursday Feb 2015

Posted by in Others view points, Thoughts, Transsexualism

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The main reason for this entry is for educating those who do not understand transgender or as my therapist coined it as trans* in Journeys of Transformation by Reid Vanderburgh and is a must read. Also I highly recommend True Selves, understanding transsexualism.

Many people think there is one type of person that dresses and/or acts as if in the opposite gender which is a complete fallacy as there is well documented papers and research on this as shown below. The following shows the different groups for gender role disorientation

SOS_Table

 

Here is a page of terms that cover valid and invalid definitions for Transgender issues.

Dilation update

14 Saturday Feb 2015

Posted by in My journey, Post surgery

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This morning I was able for the first time to get the middle sized dilator inside of me in under twenty seconds with absolutely no pain. I was striving for tomorrow so I am one day ahead of my mark. I am so happy this milestone has been met and in a few days will move on to the last and largest size dilator.

I keep thinking that I should buy stock in lubrication jelly as I go through a four once tube everyday along with a fair amount of paper towels.

Panty Friday

14 Saturday Feb 2015

Posted by in Life, My journey, Shopping

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I just felt like it was a good day to get out as the morning I dealt with not feeling well in my stomach and sore down below plus a waterline broke about 4AM this morning and was not fixed until 7AM.

First place I hit was Victoria’s Secret, browsed around and found a style that suited me but took a while to pick out four colors. Then I was off to Macy’s which is in the same mall. Here I found a style that Victoria’s Secrets did not have so I purchase five pairs and the sales lady said that if I donated two-dollars I would get an extra 25% off on top of an already 25% off the prices of the underwear.

Then I got home FedEx had been here with a package from guess where? Victoria’s Secrets which was for several tops I can wear with leggings so I need to hit this around 10AM in the morning. Would had gone tonight but do not want to battle rush hour traffic.

I found out today that Victoria’s Secrets stopped selling jeans. They were the only place I really liked for jeans next to Levi’s so I am happy that when I did my last order it was for three pairs which are still unpackaged as I have four pairs I am currently wearing.  

Now that I think of it after wearing the VS panties that are white with pink dots and writing on the back (heck I remember as they are on me) I love them.

Name change visit to work

11 Wednesday Feb 2015

Posted by in My journey, Persistence, Post surgery

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I went to work yesterday to start the process of changing my name which is fairly easy, produce my new social security card and they do they process it from there. They are said (and I should had figured this out) I needed to update my insurance information so I took the forms home and filled them out for returning with them today.

I emailed a co-worker whom I told he could use my parking spot at work that I would be in for HR work.

He said let’s all go out for coffee, which I said sure thing. When I got to work about 10 or so co-workers came over to see how I was doing. I gave them a brief on how things were going and that I will be out for several more weeks (Robin at Marci’s office emailed me today and said I can go back to work around March 2nd).

So six of us took a walk over to the nearby Starbucks, got coffee, came back and chatted for a while followed by me visiting HR to get my name change going there.

I was very happy that everyone came over to see me and had smiles on their faces which meant a great deal to me.

There was way too much paper work to complete today so I will head back tomorrow and give them the filled out forms.

So today I went back to hand in my insurance forms and asked about my badge which is used for getting around as the company has super tight security. I was told to see a woman and went back, told her I needed a new badge. She first asked for my former name then my current name. Next I was given the opportunity to change my picture which surprised me as in the past they would not change your picture (which I never figured out why) and was happy they allowed me too. She took two pictures and gave me the pick of the two.

Tomorrow I am going to lunch with two current co-workers and several retirees. This should be fun and interesting as I have not seen the retirees for several years but over the past week have emailed with them. One told me she knows of two people in her life that are currently transitioning so I figure this will be easy for her.

So other than having some bad mornings over the past few days I have been rolling right along. When I say bad mornings, I get out of bed, make breakfast then get really tired and had just woke up from 6-8 hours sleep. My nap then last about 1 to 2 hours followed by taking pain pills, waiting an hour then do dilation which I start with the smaller dilator for 10 minutes then move up to the medium size dilator for 15 minutes. I did try once (and never again) the medium size dilator and was so painful that I knew never to do this again until I can work with smaller to medium for one or two weeks.

My afternoon dilation is the same as the morning dilation and my evening dilation is just the smaller tool as I am usually to tired to do as I have in the morning and afternoon, it’s just too much. I don’t know what the medical term is but about two inches in there is a very tight spot that I need to gently apply a fair amount of pressure to get by it and that is the focus of pain but once past it the pain goes away in about one minute.

So I can not stress enough that dilation can be painful and one must be prudent to how they approach getting the tool inside you.

Female emotions II

09 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by in Life, My journey, Thoughts

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This is from February 7th which I had posted on another forum and just now getting time to post here.

I will start off by saying that in the past 15 years there has been just one time I truly cried for something real. Today I was watching Chicago Fire television show where there was a very emotional scene. I could feel my body reacting to what I was watching and figured my eyes would become watery but not the case today, I completely broke down, cried, body shook and I actually made sounds.

This has to be the hormones as I have noticed in recent months more joy in various aspects of my life, people say I smile a good deal more and I am noticing this myself. 

I did consider not posting this but decided it might be helpful to know that it took about 9 months to feel undeniable changes in inside of me and 14 months to where there was no controlling what happened today. 

Since this happened just 10 minutes ago, think I will curl up in my easy chair with a warm cup of black tea.

My mother is a smartie

09 Monday Feb 2015

Posted by in Life, My journey

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After surgery my mother called hearing I was in California for surgery and inquired to what the surgery was. I told her it was not life threatening on three different times days after surgery, not to worry mom.

Well this morning she called and asked about my surgery again and I said, don’t you remember, I told you it was nothing to worry about.

She said, I think I know what it was for. I said, what you do think, she said gender change? Well I am surely not going to deny it as my only reason for not telling her was that she is 94 and thought it would upset her, guess I got it wrong.

She said I still love you and always will no matter what. She told me when I was young that there was just something about me and that she could see me as a female and actually would had loved to had another daughter but did not know what to do and simply treated me as her child. She never pushed me in either direction from my memories at any point.