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Karen Payne's Blog

Monthly Archives: December 2015

What’s real

24 Thursday Dec 2015

Posted by karenpayneoregon in Thoughts

≈ 1 Comment

Shopping Well 2015 is coming to a close, have squeezed a lot into this year in regards to surgeries, lots of paperwork and a brand new car and very satisfied with the results. Four years ago this was entirely a dream, seemingly out of reach because I could not give up what I had in regards to teaching self-defense but then realized that I had crammed many years into teaching and as much as I enjoyed teaching I could finally kiss it goodbye to make myself happy overall.

My guess is that many wrestle with similar aspects when they are certain that transitioning is right for them and hope that those riding the line, struggling with making the decision to move forward do so and don’t procrastinate but instead stall progress if they feel as I did, unsure what the future might be. For many uncertainty is “will I still have a job”, “acceptance from family and friends”, “emotional battles from waiting” etc.

I know my surgery was right from many telling me I look content, smile (was told I rarely smiled) often, love female privilege, learning to leave male privilege behind as if I never had them.

I do struggle with silly things like being able to play guitar with decent length nails, changing pads often when wearing a thong (took a long time to master the back end of the pad), what clothes should I wear today (and rummage through through clothes on the floor often rather than the closet), did I wear that outfit already this week?

My taste in movies has change, last night I watched “the age of Adaline” which I would had never watched two years ago but now would even consider purchasing it. I watched it for a dollar so even if I didn’t like it no big deal.

I experience life completely different emotionally both good and bad. There are day that all I want to do is stay in bed and most times have no clue why while 99 percent of the time I am very happy.

Still more attracted to females than males and there has been several times in the past few months I was putty to both genders.

I am fully embracing life both good and bad and excited for what comes next. And finally I owe a great deal to my sister Teri.

My Miata

11 Friday Dec 2015

Posted by karenpayneoregon in adrenaline, Fun, Mazda MIata, sports cars

≈ 1 Comment

For years I have been driving a Toyota Camry which was a great car but became boring. My cars prior to the Toyota (and the Camry) were all purchased brand new and served me well yet something was missing. About two years ago the Mazda Miata caught my attention and asked a co-worker into sports cars what he thought of the Miata. He said if you can wait then look at the not released 2016 Miata which I did and liked what I saw.

Miata2016SideView

In August of this year contacted the local Mazda dealer, asked to be put into the waiting list. Three weeks later I was told there was one in stock so I went off and test drove it on a Sunday. After the test drive I told them I would think about the purchase. The sales person said why not take it for 24 hours and see if that will help with the decision. But of course after having it just for Sunday evening I had to have it. Went back and sealed the deal on Monday. Mid week I located a local Miata club and made plans to attend their Saturday morning meeting.

I arrived and a half dozen men came out to see my new car as this was the first one in our area. Did some chatting and then I was invited to take a two hour back country drive. Mind you that I had little experience wit the car but at the end of the run was asked how long have I been driving sports cars? Told them since Monday and was told my driving skills were excellent. The driver whom told me this has 25 years on road and on race tracks. We chatted and I ask about him (I was following him on the drive) about braking as he may had hit his breaks five times excluding stop signs. He told me his thing and I went off Sunday morning practicing in an empty mall parking lot.

The next Saturday I did much better and improved on each drive.

About the fourth drive I was in a round about way tested by following a very experienced driver. We pulled away from the pack and when done waited 15 minutes for everyone to catch up to us. This driver said the same as the first driver, I had natural talent. I told him that even though I drove sedans I pushed them to their limits which I believed helped along with yeah, I have some natural talent and smiled.

To date I have been told when I am comfortable with leading I am more than welcome to do so.

I will close off by saying I truly come alive when in this car rolling through back country taking 20MPH turns at 45MPH and do it safely.

Next month I am installing special suspension to reduce lean in turns as I am not capable of pushing a stock Miata to it’s limits and I need more. The parts come from a company that specializes in only mods to Miata’s and are tested on the road and race tracks.  

Simply horrible

05 Saturday Dec 2015

Posted by karenpayneoregon in My journey

≈ Leave a comment

While performing some research I came across a memorializing for 2015 for trans-people who were murdered because they were different and society perpetuates the core problem which truly needs to change in the home before we see a drop in murders.

Some of the deaths were horrendous, being run over by a vehicle multiple times, being stoned to death, burned to death, strangulation.  I was not surprised which countries the murders happened and kind of numb in regards to how these murders were done which in and of itself is scary. Not being numb comes from things I have been involved with not related to these tragedies so all I can do is try and guess at what goes through the minds and hearts of their love one’s.

This is the page for 2015 with statistics going back to 2007.

The general public needs to take note that the majority of trans people are transgender because of a chemical imbalance in their brain. Many times work in the sex trade because they have no choice or have no self esteem because family, friends and those whom they are in contact with see and treat them as trash because they are afraid of things they don’t understand and the big one is it’s how they were raised.

Karen

2015

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Recent Posts

  • I like my nail polish but sex?
  • I notice it but not the why
  • Thoughts on passing
  • Diversity and inclusion
  • Defensive tactics

Recent Comments

Trish on I like my nail polish but…
karenpayneoregon on Diversity and inclusion
greigsheridan on Diversity and inclusion
Veronica Virga on Defensive tactics
karenpayneoregon on Bad surgery story

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Categories

  • Acceptance
  • adrenaline
  • Breast augmentation
  • Dilation
  • Diversity
  • Family
  • Fun
  • GRS
  • Helping others
  • inclusion
  • Life
  • Mazda MIata
  • Music
  • My journey
  • Others view points
  • Persistence
  • Post surgery
  • preparation
  • Self Defense
  • Sex
  • Shopping
  • Socializing
  • Sports car aggressive driving
  • sports cars
  • Teaching
  • technology
  • Thoughts
  • Transsexualism
  • voice
  • Woman in tech

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