It has been three months since surgery and my life is at a place I believe is my new/current norm. I have accepted that “it’s a man’s world” and that I have been accepted into the sisterhood.

Things I can laugh or smile about in regards to the last three months. Only went to tuck my penis once (eek, where did it go, oh I remember now ~grin~), have embraced men opening the door for me. Other females treating me as if I have always been a female. My daughter called me this afternoon, I was very busy at work and said I would call back. When I called back she said my voice sounded different but not much. I then realized I was doing a B flat rather than a C# as I had a momentary lapse in voice control which I see needs attention. I had to ask, “did I sound female when you called?”, she said yes but it was a tad different then in the past. That made me smile as I was in at least partial control. I have said it many times, one must be vigilant with their female voice. So this is the second time, first time was reverse, my mother called and I went into my female voice and she had no clue who she was talking too.

Something to cheer about, dilation is second nature in that the dilator goes in with one-third the lube it took one month ago and can penetrate fully in ten seconds where it use to be one minute to fully insert and another four minutes to be comfortable with the dilation tool inside of me. Dilation sessions are there times a day still for 15 minutes but there are times I go for thirty minutes. In two weeks I am down to twice a day.

Since going full time I have not worn perfume but now enjoy it every day which is not from, “I am ready and fearless” but instead it stems from the changes to my mind and body from the longevity of HRT.

What I find interesting and at the same time not interesting is my calm about breast implants in a couple of weeks. What I mean is, GRS to me was like going to the grocery store, no big deal and feel the same way about breast implants but who is being the fool here, I do think about this summer and finally able to wear a plunging neckline top and of course a bathing suit.

One last thought, the memory of my surgery is quickly leaving my brain with no real memories unless I happen to look at one of the pictures taken in the hospital, was that me, oh my.

For those who have not read about dilation, after GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) one must use a tool similar to a dildo but unlike a dildo these tools are ridged plastic, came in either a set of three or four. One starts off with the small for a week them progress to the mid-size tool them after two weeks to the larger of the three.

Moving from small to mid-size is level 3 for me were the scale is 1 to 10 were 10 is very painful. When I went to the larger size I was at level 5. Now before going any farther, for the average person, add three to the latter numbers, yes it is painful for most. Personally I struggle with the larger tool for 15 minutes and the pain level escalated, the entire time it was inside of me was almost unthinkable. To ease the pain I used the mid-size dilator for five minutes then ten minutes with the larger one for a week.

This week, just over four weeks after surgery I am finally comfortable with the larger dilator. With the smaller ones I slide right in while with the larger one I must work on getting it inside of me. I will get it in about three inches (all the way in is six inches), leave it there for about thirty seconds then pull out, slab some more lube on then all the way in.

Once inside of my I rotate the tool side to side very slowly for two or three minutes as this stretches things to the point of zero pain.

Now to do the above I would use two king size pillows folded in half and placed under my knees and two pillows under my head and back. Beneath my button an expensive butt donut which many used for sitting a long time with pain.

Getting things prepared and clean-up is a chore and went looking for a better way. I stumbled on the Liberator, see image below. The liberator was designed for making love making in short better and more comfortable. What I saw was something that would allow me to dilate comfortably with easy setup and cleanup.

So it came today, UPS delivered a small box which when first glanced at it was not sure what the heck this was, surely it can not be the Liberator. Well it was very heavy when picking it up. Opened the box and there were two things encased in zipper bags. Instructions on top said open the bags and take the contents out. Well I was shocked as they exploded to what you see below. At the end of the instructions they said the Liberator is shrink down 90 percent of it’s size for shipping reasons.   

Of course I needed to try it out and got what I paid for. How could I not had found this before, so wonderful, perfect positioning and extremely comfortable. Downside, the price tag is 200 dollars but I see it as cheap as I need to dilate everyday, three times a day for three months, two times a day for nine months then after that once a day thereafter so it is indeed a good investment.