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I like my nail polish but sex?

13 Sunday Aug 2017

Posted by karenpayneoregon in My journey

≈ 1 Comment

French

I decided that having French nails on both my fingers and toes is for me but still unsure about a sexual relationship. Having been on both sides of the gender fence I now know the desires from the male side which can range from having a quickie to a long term relationship while as a female I don’t want the quickie but instead meaningful foreplay which I find much more satisfying when finally climaxing.

I’ve learned that being with a female of the same mindset is much more fulfilling when the minds are running on the same tracks which is more likely than the rare cases of a man interested in pleasing a woman as most men (not all) only care about the release of their juices.

It’s not in my nature to simply have sex, instead I want, no I demand if there is sex/loving making it has to have passion on both sides. Funny thing is, I’ve been luck to have come close with men, females and the third gender.

I’ve learned that many times when at a bar it appears nobody pays any attention to me but then learn through others that is the complete opposite. At least three times since transitioning I’ve been in situations where after sitting for a while the man or woman I was attracted to did have similar feelings. Once a beautiful woman stood next to me, looked like she would not give me the time of day. She dropped stuff of the table we shared and when I went down to assist she stares me directly in my eye’s and says “let’s dance beautiful”.

We danced, kissed and embraced each other but sadly she was a married bi-sexual so that’s as far as things went.

Another time I had a similar encounter where when I passed a (way to young) young woman, directly after passing her she said, you smell and look sexy. I thanked her for the compliment, ordered my drink and sat down across the room. Five minutes later she scrolled over, sat down, my hips touching her hips. We chatted for about ten minutes when I informed her I was transgender, she looked at me, kissed me and said so what.

I was sitting there waiting for a group of cross dressers for a theme night of “Prom Night”. The cross dressers only knew me from online, never met.

They walk in, I see them and wave, the young female next to me waved at them too.

The cross dressers kind of dropped their jaws (later I found out because they didn’t recognize me and thought this was cool), came over and I introduced myself to them.

Later the young female while dancing asked for my phone to put her number in. After I left she kept texting me to come sleep with her (and I surely would have if not for the age difference, I have a daughter older them her).

The young female was my shade of nail polish but just a little to fresh.

I notice it but not the why

23 Sunday Apr 2017

Posted by karenpayneoregon in inclusion, Life, My journey, Thoughts

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Before transitioning through surgery I had tendencies towards dressing in sexy clothing but after surgery those tendencies went away. Coupled with that the majority of the time was in my house as I knew I could draw attention from those who would do harm to me for being different.

Now I know that it’s not only myself but just about every cross dresser or transgender I have come in contact with are the same way, they present themselves in sexy clothes, no matter the age be it 16 or 70 years old although I think many over 65 do realize unless they are in a LGBT setting they stand out like a sore thumb. I never feel compelled to warn them of the dangers because most of them only go out to LGBT clubs. The few that do go out to other places tend not to dress sexy but age appropriate.

All I can say is if you are one who dreams about leaving the house in sexy clothing be sure that the clothing is age appropriate and that cisgender females in the area would wear this or similar clothing so not to stick out like a splattered bug on your windshield.

What prompted me to write this entry was after shopping today, saw a dress and my first thought was “would other woman my age wear this?” and I knew they would. I even added a cardigan to compliment the dress. And I don’t wear dresses or skirts very often outside of work and that is the trend in my area.

Bad surgery story

15 Monday Aug 2016

Posted by karenpayneoregon in My journey

≈ 2 Comments

The following is scary to say the least. 

Ten days ago I was there for a male to female having reassignment surgery. The surgery lasted too long in my opinion and that the reason was the surgeon caused a rectovaginal fistula. A friend of hers was told (but not me) that she had gas coming out the vagina on Friday and the friend got her to call the hospital who said they would get back to her but never did.  I did not hear about this until this morning, she text’ d me and said she was concerned. I went over and got her to take pictures and send them to the surgeon. Now this is 10 AM this morning, he said to come in a 5 PM. seriously, this is one bad thing after another.

I learned that while she was in the hospital the care provided was unprofessional from assisting her keeping clean (they would not clean her breast or bottom) to providing sedatives for pain (I had sedatives pushed into me non-stop). Just the other day I learned that OSU, the hospital here in Oregon had a bad reputation for how transgender people were treated and that they were in a transition period to overcome the bad reputation.

Any ways, just received a text from her, they are keeping her tonight. I did not inquire why but a decent guess is because of the rectovaginal fistula.

Now with all this mentioned, she had no real choice being on social security, out of work, never being able to afford surgery. Couple this with extreme dysphoria and a surgeon who has done six reassignment surgeries prior is a recipe for what happened. It really is a catch 22 per-say, boxed in with a one way pass to live with the dysphoria or roll the dice with a surgeon with little experience.

Lesson to take away, if you don’t have the funds to obtain reassignment surgery you may very well be in the hands of people who may perform a bad procedure and as with this person have poor aftercare. If this is you, pay attention to your body after surgery, don’t dismiss even the little things, call them out to those who are taking care of you and this might simply save your life.

Little did I realize

30 Saturday Jul 2016

Posted by karenpayneoregon in Fun, My journey, Sports car aggressive driving, sports cars

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Since last September I have been driving with a Mazda Miata club every Saturday. Before joining the club my car seemed to have everything needed for my needs yet in my first drive with the club I knew more was needed. I was told my skills were very good and that the car could not be out driven but failed to hear the words (customization of the suspension would be needed to do what the top two drivers in the club do).

Roughly eight months later I was totally pushing the car way pasted it’s limits so customization started and finished in three weekends, all work done by professionals who understand what I wanted and the parts were custom also with a good deal of research, trial and error before these parts were put on my car.

So in the past few months I only push the car to it’s current limitations were before doing the same style of driving was pushing the car way passed it’s limits.

Little did I realize how proficient my driving skills are coupled with a fine tune car until today.

A man drove 50 miles to check out our club. Indicated he had exceptional driving skills and want to know if we were going to take a drive today? The lead driver said yes, I simply get into my car as the lead driver knows I am going. Another driver (current club member) indicates he wants to go.

So before continuing, there are drivers who simply love a nice casual drive in the country while the other extreme (my style), we live for twisty roads that have a level of difficulty yet must be safe as this time of year there are people riding bikes or jogging so we are careful.

Well we start off on some soft turns, 30 MPH ones on straight roads, on declines. The new driver is right behind me, seems to be doing well. Next we get into the thick of it, very challenging roads that demand skill and reaction times. Come out of that section and the new driver is now at least one or two minutes behind us so we slow down to wait for them.

We repeat this on other roads, pretty much the same, the two drivers behind us are minutes behind me with me behind the lead driver who is about three car lengths ahead of me.

At the end of the run there is only three of us left, the last driver had peeled off, headed for home. We asked the new driver what he thought of the run. He pretty much called us crazy but used more elegant words. He expressly indicated he could not keep up with us and that he noticed myself and the lead driver virtually never hit our brakes. We simply listened and said “hope you see you back again” but I very much doubt we will.

In hind sight we could had told him that we have mild driving too yet that is not that often.

Going back to the new driver indicating he had great skills, it may be but not for the type of driving we do.

Swinger’s club II

27 Sunday Mar 2016

Posted by karenpayneoregon in Fun, Life, My journey, Sex, Socializing

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Sex, Socializing

The club I went to last night does tours between 6 and 8 then it’s members only and that most members show up starting around 8:30. So to my surprise when arriving at just before eight the parking lot is almost full. Then I remembered, last week Adam and Eve cancelled a rope demonstration which was rescheduled for last night.

Upon walking in the president gives me a hug, he is that type of person and I said, the demonstration just started so you didn’t miss anything. There are some seats up front if you like.

From Adam and Eve’s, a woman dressed in  dominatrix attire was presenting the demonstration with a male representative and a male model. She goes there a discussion about types of ropes followed by showing two basic knots. Next she tells she will tie up the model and expects it to take thirty minutes to one hour.

Both her and the model were fun to watch while the representative had a table setup with literature on this topic.

For the first half of the demonstration was done in the dance room then moved to one of the playrooms were there happened to be a couple getting it one so there were two shows going on at once.

So, at the end the woman started off with one hundred and thirty feet of room when done had roughly six inches left and as I saw it knew exactly what she needed. Now that was fun to watch.

During the demonstration I had a couple sit next to me where the husband had eye’s for me and at one point said I was gorgeous (which I still have troubles accepting myself this way) and was interested in playing. I thanked him for the compliment and told him early on that I had a long day driving in a car club and that I was not up to playing and he was accepting of this.

Next week is the monthly gang-bang which is the first weekend of each month. I signed up to watch, not participate. In this event females are given wrist bands to hand out to men they want to play with which as gang-bangs go will be many men to a woman and the female has all the power in these events. So this is not your typical gang-bang where the men have the power. Will be fun to see this next weekend.

Since there are no cameras or cell phones allowed this is a picture of half the dance floor and in the background a room that runs continuous porn which members have full control over what to play/watch.

DanceFloor

Swingers club

27 Sunday Mar 2016

Posted by karenpayneoregon in Fun, Life, My journey, Sex

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Several weeks ago I decided after seeing a site on the web about a swingers club I contacted them about details and was offered a tour of the club. So that weekend I did the tour and spent about an hour chit-chatting with the president and his wife and thought that this would be a great place to spend a night on the weekend.

Some specifics, it’s not all about sex, instead after going there the past few weekends learned (and this was told to me at the tour) there is a great deal of socializing from sitting down at a table and talk to playing pool. What I thought was really great was that females have the power rather than the men and there are very strict rules with things like no means no, ask before touching etc. The rules are in plain sight too.

The first weekend my plan was to simply mingle and not participate. After about thirty minutes after arriving I was being checked out, three men sat down with me and talked for just over an hour, or maybe more, hard to tell as I did not look at the clock until I got tired and decided to leave. During this time the president’s wife said there was one man whom she thought we get along but not soon after we started chatting a female came in, grabbed him and of they went. I was told don’t expect them to come out for several hours.

Mid way through the week he emailed me, we chatted which went well. So that Saturday we met and talked at the bar and then he said, let’s hit the bed room. So off we went and he confided to me that he has a wife and is okay with this along with being bi. Also he was shy in a crowd but the complete opposite in the bedroom (I was told this beforehand). Safe to say without going into details other than he was well endowed we had a great time in the sack.

One of the things we talked about was me bringing my strap-on to play, oh my, I purchased one but have not used it yet, maybe tonight but unsure as I was up on their chat area on their web site and was getting signals from a couple (man and woman) in their early forties.

Oh, I really like the casual style for how some dress, there are a handful of females (with a date assuming boy friend or husband) that dress like in the old salon’s in Western movies. So far I have kept to a slinky black dress the first time and last week a black top and red skirt. No I didn’t forget bra and undies as I did not wear them. Shoes for the first two nights where two different pairs of medium high heels while tonight in over the thigh boots.

You can really prepared for this

14 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by karenpayneoregon in GRS, Life, My journey, Post surgery, Sex

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So it has been 14 months since my gender reassignment surgery were over the past month or so something has been happening that my surgeon Marci Bowers warned me about which is as follows.

You may have times when the simple action of rubbing your private parts against clothing may cause arousal. Well when it first started in the past month it was not that bad and kind of nice, just walking along and things began to get aroused to a point but then got to the point I would have to stop walking else possibly cause a scene for having a full blown orgasm.

Now it’s been crazy over the past two weeks where I will be sitting at work and get to the point I can’t function as I once did because I am dealing with O’s and thinking of what I am doing which really both of these things conflict with each other.

Last Saturday night I attended an event at a Swinger’s club were the club is about both socializing and sex and got asked by several men about my O’s and said in some many words what I liked. I was asked if I was interested in having sex that night and said no, I am simply getting to know the place and people. And oh, by the way I have been experiencing orgasms sitting here talking to you. Two of the men at my table said, well that’s impressive as most woman your age have difficulties in bed having orgasms let alone having when while sitting down and moving their hips.

With that said, while writing the above I had to get up and re-position myself because of the sensations going on down there.

For anyone reading this who is going down the road of having genital reassignment surgery be aware this may very well happen to you too. Best to be forewarned then having this happen to you without prior notice it can happen.

For now I have to deal with this but sure hope things will settle down over time.

Year one

27 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by karenpayneoregon in My journey, Thoughts

≈ 2 Comments

YearOne

The demise of Kevin, my former self is but a distant memory looking back exactly one year after the birth of Karen.

Several months ago a co-worker ask me (because he had forgotten) when I had changed to Karen and before I could answer he said that Kevin is a distant memory to him even thou he had worked with me for twenty years.  Then two other team members chimed in (we all sit in an open office) and said he remembered and also agreed that my former self was a distant memory.

There are several woman at work that either knew me before while some only afterward that treat me like any cisgender female.

The above to me indicates over the past year I have done things proper, meaning being myself, not resurrecting my former self.

Another indicator is nobody in recent time (looking back six months plus) has asked me any questions about my transition.

If there is anything at all to take away from this entry is leaving the past behind is imperative to enjoying life after transition. When I hit a date such as today, my surgery date I do think back a tad but then move on.

Simply horrible

05 Saturday Dec 2015

Posted by karenpayneoregon in My journey

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While performing some research I came across a memorializing for 2015 for trans-people who were murdered because they were different and society perpetuates the core problem which truly needs to change in the home before we see a drop in murders.

Some of the deaths were horrendous, being run over by a vehicle multiple times, being stoned to death, burned to death, strangulation.  I was not surprised which countries the murders happened and kind of numb in regards to how these murders were done which in and of itself is scary. Not being numb comes from things I have been involved with not related to these tragedies so all I can do is try and guess at what goes through the minds and hearts of their love one’s.

This is the page for 2015 with statistics going back to 2007.

The general public needs to take note that the majority of trans people are transgender because of a chemical imbalance in their brain. Many times work in the sex trade because they have no choice or have no self esteem because family, friends and those whom they are in contact with see and treat them as trash because they are afraid of things they don’t understand and the big one is it’s how they were raised.

Developer conference

03 Tuesday Nov 2015

Posted by karenpayneoregon in My journey

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Several months ago I was re-awarded MVP (Microsoft Valued Professional) which comes with it a week long stay at Microsoft in Washington State, fully paid for except the cost to get there and return home.

Today is my third day, each day I they have been serving us the best of the best food and throwing great parties in the evening.

Not once has anyone looked at me any different than other females which is really great which is yet another validation (and I need them) that I am seen as female and not a once male who is now female.

The only issue so far is the entire conference at night is throwing my schedule way off as I usually go to bed around 8PM but here things go until 10PM.

Well time to get back to the conference, there is only a few minutes between sessions.

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Karen

2015

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Categories

  • Acceptance
  • adrenaline
  • Breast augmentation
  • Dilation
  • Diversity
  • Family
  • Fun
  • GRS
  • Helping others
  • inclusion
  • Life
  • Mazda MIata
  • Music
  • My journey
  • Others view points
  • Persistence
  • Post surgery
  • preparation
  • Self Defense
  • Sex
  • Shopping
  • Socializing
  • Sports car aggressive driving
  • sports cars
  • Teaching
  • technology
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