I decided that having French nails on both my fingers and toes is for me but still unsure about a sexual relationship. Having been on both sides of the gender fence I now know the desires from the male side which can range from having a quickie to a long term relationship while as a female I don’t want the quickie but instead meaningful foreplay which I find much more satisfying when finally climaxing.

I’ve learned that being with a female of the same mindset is much more fulfilling when the minds are running on the same tracks which is more likely than the rare cases of a man interested in pleasing a woman as most men (not all) only care about the release of their juices.

It’s not in my nature to simply have sex, instead I want, no I demand if there is sex/loving making it has to have passion on both sides. Funny thing is, I’ve been luck to have come close with men, females and the third gender.

I’ve learned that many times when at a bar it appears nobody pays any attention to me but then learn through others that is the complete opposite. At least three times since transitioning I’ve been in situations where after sitting for a while the man or woman I was attracted to did have similar feelings. Once a beautiful woman stood next to me, looked like she would not give me the time of day. She dropped stuff of the table we shared and when I went down to assist she stares me directly in my eye’s and says “let’s dance beautiful”.

We danced, kissed and embraced each other but sadly she was a married bi-sexual so that’s as far as things went.

Another time I had a similar encounter where when I passed a (way to young) young woman, directly after passing her she said, you smell and look sexy. I thanked her for the compliment, ordered my drink and sat down across the room. Five minutes later she scrolled over, sat down, my hips touching her hips. We chatted for about ten minutes when I informed her I was transgender, she looked at me, kissed me and said so what.

I was sitting there waiting for a group of cross dressers for a theme night of “Prom Night”. The cross dressers only knew me from online, never met.

They walk in, I see them and wave, the young female next to me waved at them too.

The cross dressers kind of dropped their jaws (later I found out because they didn’t recognize me and thought this was cool), came over and I introduced myself to them.

Later the young female while dancing asked for my phone to put her number in. After I left she kept texting me to come sleep with her (and I surely would have if not for the age difference, I have a daughter older them her).

The young female was my shade of nail polish but just a little to fresh.

The following is scary to say the least. 

Ten days ago I was there for a male to female having reassignment surgery. The surgery lasted too long in my opinion and that the reason was the surgeon caused a rectovaginal fistula. A friend of hers was told (but not me) that she had gas coming out the vagina on Friday and the friend got her to call the hospital who said they would get back to her but never did.  I did not hear about this until this morning, she text’ d me and said she was concerned. I went over and got her to take pictures and send them to the surgeon. Now this is 10 AM this morning, he said to come in a 5 PM. seriously, this is one bad thing after another.

I learned that while she was in the hospital the care provided was unprofessional from assisting her keeping clean (they would not clean her breast or bottom) to providing sedatives for pain (I had sedatives pushed into me non-stop). Just the other day I learned that OSU, the hospital here in Oregon had a bad reputation for how transgender people were treated and that they were in a transition period to overcome the bad reputation.

Any ways, just received a text from her, they are keeping her tonight. I did not inquire why but a decent guess is because of the rectovaginal fistula.

Now with all this mentioned, she had no real choice being on social security, out of work, never being able to afford surgery. Couple this with extreme dysphoria and a surgeon who has done six reassignment surgeries prior is a recipe for what happened. It really is a catch 22 per-say, boxed in with a one way pass to live with the dysphoria or roll the dice with a surgeon with little experience.

Lesson to take away, if you don’t have the funds to obtain reassignment surgery you may very well be in the hands of people who may perform a bad procedure and as with this person have poor aftercare. If this is you, pay attention to your body after surgery, don’t dismiss even the little things, call them out to those who are taking care of you and this might simply save your life.

While performing some research I came across a memorializing for 2015 for trans-people who were murdered because they were different and society perpetuates the core problem which truly needs to change in the home before we see a drop in murders.

Some of the deaths were horrendous, being run over by a vehicle multiple times, being stoned to death, burned to death, strangulation.  I was not surprised which countries the murders happened and kind of numb in regards to how these murders were done which in and of itself is scary. Not being numb comes from things I have been involved with not related to these tragedies so all I can do is try and guess at what goes through the minds and hearts of their love one’s.

This is the page for 2015 with statistics going back to 2007.

The general public needs to take note that the majority of trans people are transgender because of a chemical imbalance in their brain. Many times work in the sex trade because they have no choice or have no self esteem because family, friends and those whom they are in contact with see and treat them as trash because they are afraid of things they don’t understand and the big one is it’s how they were raised.

Several months ago I was re-awarded MVP (Microsoft Valued Professional) which comes with it a week long stay at Microsoft in Washington State, fully paid for except the cost to get there and return home.

Today is my third day, each day I they have been serving us the best of the best food and throwing great parties in the evening.

Not once has anyone looked at me any different than other females which is really great which is yet another validation (and I need them) that I am seen as female and not a once male who is now female.

The only issue so far is the entire conference at night is throwing my schedule way off as I usually go to bed around 8PM but here things go until 10PM.

Well time to get back to the conference, there is only a few minutes between sessions.