Category Archives: preparation

Approval for GRS, why???

31 Friday Jul 2015

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I wrote the following for a blog post on another site and thought it would be worth sharing. Many argue the point if a real life test is needed and there are good points on both sides of the discussion. Some will say, suppose the person decides not too transition during the one year real life test? I respond by saying that you need to be 99.99 percent sure this is for you. There are some who could go without this test as many live the life already and in this case should be given a pass.

For years I wondered why do I need approval from two therapist for gender reassignment surgery and at times really aggravated me to no end but once I started it all became clear. You see, feeling trapped in the wrong physical body can taunt and consume a person to various states of mind that can lead to a dark place thus never seeing the reasoning behind the “why” behind the requirement for therapy coupled with living in the opposite gender for at least one year.

Here is the deal, feeling trapped in the wrong physical body there can be relief by wearing clothing of the opposite gender but that is usually hindered as many don’t have a safe haven to wear clothing for an extended period of time and eventually as one grows older the feelings of being in the wrong physical body become more intense and can destroy marriages and cause one to become secluded to the point they are alone and now in their free time can become the female they should be to a limited degree by dressing in the role of a female for longer periods.

The danger here is we think that by setting an appointment for reassignment surgery with an informed consent is all one should need. There lays the problem, it’s a completely different world living as a female 24/7 in each and every aspect of your life. It quickly becomes real when you are paying for something in a store and need to use your credit card that says John Smith when you are dressed female. You might get lucky as I did, sales lady looks at the name on my credit card and says, John Smith is your husband? I will need to see your identification. Me, no that is my name, sales lady, your parents have a strange way of naming their daughter. But not everyone will be fortunate for this to happen. Next up (which should had been firsts).

The female voice, a dead give away if not practiced. You are paying for groceries at the store, cashier engages you in conversation and although nobody would every guess that you were not female because you have taken the time to dress properly, age appropriate clothing and not to much makeup you say something and out slips the male voice, oooops, you get the idea.

In the real live experience you are under pressure either all the time or some of the time and for many will truly challenge their original thoughts of transitioning. Geez, can I really pull this off? What I mean is, once you have a vagina and breast it’s a completely new world and you have no choice but to either blend in as part of the scenery, become part of the scenery or become ostracized for being a freak and with that comes depression, self-doubt or more leading to dark places OR you rise to the task of merging your inner female self with a new physical self from the affects of hormones.

Trust me when I say, you have no idea, no clue what one year of living in the opposite gender is like until you have been doing it for say three months and then look back 12 months later and can’t hardly remember what it was like as a male and if you can more likely than not remember it differently how the full time female experience would be.

I challenge those taking this journey to write down their thoughts before starting HRT and therapy then say 10 months down the road read what you wrote and see how you think about the journey now. If comfortable, keep a daily journal of your ups and downs, like anybody living we have ups and downs and in the 12 month role they are magnified. When seeing a therapist there are gaps of time between visits and having these notes can help you engage with the therapist.

BOTTOM LINE: The real life experience as I see it now is that it’s good for you while looking back I thought “what the heck”.

Hopefully those traveling down the road for gender reassignment surgery will be fortunate to have a good support system in place to assist them with the 12 month real life test and it will go better this way. Personally I had (and still have) a wonderful female friend who not only supported me but traveled to California to be with me for GRS and then with breast augmentation was there for me too in my home taking care of me. You can not do this on your own, I repeat, you can not do this on your own so get use to the fact you will need a good support system which should be done before starting your journey, find out who are really friends and who are not and don’t be surprised that many may be repulsed at the thought of you wanting to be female.

Breast augmentation

08 Friday May 2015

Posted by in Breast augmentation, preparation, Thoughts

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I am scheduled for breast augmentation on May 20, 2015. Had my pre-operation appointment today where they went over the highlights from my initial consultation several weeks ago along with what they want me to do the week of surgery and the weeks following surgery. After the appointment I handed over my prescriptions to the pharmacy so they are ready for me well in advance.

Specifics, I was interested in a B cup but with their measuring system looks like I will have C cup. Guess I will need to get over not having a smaller size as I am leaving my fate to the surgeon as when I question him about the size he said that he has used this measuring system on thousands of people and only had two people saying they thought that the size was slightly too large.

In regards to eating prior to surgery, I told the surgeon that since surgery was at noon and that they did not want me to eat after midnight that beings I have a different schedule that most people could I have coffee first thing in the morning. He said if I asked the anesthesiologist would say no coffee but he said if it’s only black coffee he is fine and if they asked if I had anything to say no LOL.

Advice for coming out

04 Saturday Apr 2015

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I used the following to reply to a post on a transgender forum and think it deserves merit to be posted here.

I believe that there are wrong and right ways to come out to people. First you need to prepare yourself by doing research on the web, not from one or a handful of pages but a lot or cut to the chase and purchase a copy of True Selves which provides insight into how to best present yourself to others.

Comingout Personally I did my homework as per above, solidified knowledge into my brain that included how to present myself to friends, family and co-workers. This was followed up with individual twist to whom I told. My first hard and fast rule was to include ‘I am still the same person inside’ was spoken at the end of my speech. For some I figured it was best to give a brief explanation leaving the person whom I just told to ask questions rather than me supplying answers which may not be interpreted well from me telling them pieces of information. Bottom line is be prepared, try and pick a time when the person you are coming out too is in a calm mood and not tired, this will make things easier overall.

Will you lose people from your life? There are many factors that will decide the outcome. Out of roughly close to 200 people I came out to I lose three people. Several told me they were against transgender before I came out and that the way I came out made all the difference. Two of them I told via email and both asked to meet with me the same week to better understand what was going on and afterwards they have remained friends. Granted some may simply be putting on a front but if so, it’s a good front. I will admit from reading stories of others coming out losing friends, family and co-workers and that is too be expected but should not be the norm. Perhaps a percentage of them came out using bad wording or wrong timing, I don’t know. If you do it right and still lose people they were never your friends in the first place if they don’t support you here. Of course there are some areas that will never give you approval as it’s locked into how a community thinks and behaves.

Just know if you are prepared it may still be a rocky road but when done right will get easier and easier. For me if I look back to my first disclosure it was scary then as the months went by and the year closed out I am still finding people to tell but it is so much easier than when the first time or the fiftieth time.

Breast implants

22 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by in My journey, preparation, Thoughts

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44 Two days ago I consulted with a surgeon for getting breast implants. Originally the appointment was scheduled for May but they had me on a cancellation list so I got moved up. When making the appointment several weeks ago they gave me new patient forms which in the area for prior surgeries I listed GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) which comes up next.

Gwen, an assistant leads me back to an examination room and said the doctor would be back shortly. Five minutes later they both come in, do an introduction and then begin chatting about what I wanted. I said my wish is to have breast suitable for my body frame and said I had GRS on 1/27/2015. Well both turn and look at me, dropped their jaws and said NO in disbelief. Without missing a beat I said “Thank you” as this is just another validation for me.

He took measurements then discussed several materials, shapes and sizes along with explaining in detail why one would be best for me. The entire discussion was longer than I thought, over thirty minutes.

I was given a price of just under $8000 for the procedure and said, when? I settled on May 21 which is the weekend of Memorial day so that will give me time to heal a bit before going back to work the following Wednesday as Monday is a holiday and Tuesday I work from home.

Very excited that in two months I will have my own breast!!!

I could had simply been happy with GRS but this is feeling like the right thing to do.

Essentials

01 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by in My journey, Post surgery, preparation

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The following thought came to me, what would I be doing right now without my essentials? The answer is go absolutely crazy.

What do I mean by essentials? What one needs while recovering from surgery which begins with the time directly after emerging from anesthesia to the time you leave for home.

I needed a good friend to be there for me which I had, next up was items that would keep me occupied which are (and have) my laptop, iPad and iPhone. The laptop has all the software which I use for work and can not stress enough that I love my profession enough to volunteer to assist others across the world and have been given several titles ranging from forum moderator for Microsoft to being a Microsoft MVP. I needed to mention these things not to gloat over achievements but much more to let those reading this to know I have hobbies which I can do while recovering. I have the laptop setup on a desk in my hotel with a mouse for the above while my iPad allows me to read e-books, check mail and get on Facebook.

It is very important to have a calendar program to keep yourself on schedule that range from when to take meds to keeping appointments then an app that has key information such as current med doses (my surgeon ask for them) that while in bed you have access and your phone should be pass coded. I have calendar information duplicated for something between my phone and laptop, get the idea right!

Other essentials might be having chocolate there or perhaps your fav coffee etc.

Important need to know

31 Saturday Jan 2015

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One of my procedures is to keep my privates clean at this point via wipes then antibiotic ointment when new pad. Before I mentioned that those who saw my vagina before me (females seeing it) said it was well constructed and after seeing pictures agree. Today if one gazes between my legs (and this is normal) it is ugly, black and blue but in the center very lovely. Okay, back on track, I need to use a hand mirror to put on the antibiotic ointment which was not easy in this condition and could see how others might have issues doing these things.

Just remember, surgery is not the end, it  is part of a continued journey that never ends. I can count a handful of people who are currently considering GRS but don’t realize the full scope and commitment needed. So this goes back to “why” I do these blog postings, not for me but for those who are contemplating GRS. As always I am fully committed and happy in my new skin 🙂

Ten hours

27 Tuesday Jan 2015

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I am done with my bowel expulsion, lasted about one hour or so and happy it is over with. It started with absolutely no warning, yes a little brown on the underwear but it washed out fine not that I am worried too much as they will only be needed until 6 AM tomorrow morning since after they remove the packing in six days I have new underwear.

Thinking about clothing, since the hotel offers free laundry service I only brought three top, two bras, one pair of loosely fitting leggings, one normal pair of leggings, PJ’s, pair of warm socks and lastly a dress that is suitable for being very comfortable in so that I can go from loose legging to dress and stay comfortable.

Right now the tough thing is, last time I ate was ten hours ago and starting to really feel hungry now as I am living on coffee and ginger ale. Can’t wait to be able to eat again after surgery.

Sixteen hours

26 Monday Jan 2015

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Met with my surgeon Marci Bower this morning. Asked me a lot of questions then we discussed the surgery, what to expect results wise along with recovery. Then there was a short physical were I was told there was plenty of length for depth for my vagina. Next she examined my throat for the trach shave. She indicated how she was going to do the process. When all done she said that my Adam’s apple was the only non female aspect of my face and that I had good facial and bone structure for a female which made me happy. I did tell her “I see myself everyday and that I am a harsh critic and reply on the honesty of others”.

Lastly she said I will be given her personal phone number and email address and not to hesitate to call her. Also said she does this for all going through this process but only about one percent take her up on it. I will not hesitate to call or email her if I feel the needed.

I have to say that she has a very nice personality were some reviews said she was not that nice. Also she said that her check-in are short so do not expect a long check-in.

Lastly, I have all my meds for after surgery and now counting time down, tick-tock, tick-tock.

Back flips anyone

26 Monday Jan 2015

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When I got my new driver’s license it did not register until about two or three hours after someone here said I should be doing back flips that I was now officially Karen Payne. At the Social Security office, same thing, did not hit me for hours later but did not do the preverbal back flip (like I could really do one at my age).

Yesterday I went to bed at 5:30PM and out like a light. I usually like a dog, spin around two or three time then eyes shut, not last night.

If I were excited as I should be I would have issues sleeping but nope. What I believe is that surgery is but a single aspect in the transitioning process where some may want to do back flips but really the back flips should be done on the road to transitioning like “I have been prescribed hormones”, this one is difficult to know when it happens sometimes, “you ‘feel’ female” and are accepted as female along with how you are out in public. I can not remember the last time someone thought I was male which is when I should had done a back flip but it went by unnoticed. I know that some might perhaps wonder but that is difficult to tell also as they may very well have a interest in me which (and I will take um) at this point I am not use to. When I am it will be another milestone but as I have said in ths past I am only interested in woman.

So tomorrow is the big day, I am indeed very happy but not excited as one might think. DO NOT get me wrong as I have been waiting for this for way too long and welcome surgery open armed, just not making a huge deal out of it as this is were I should had been and now will “be”.

Final preparations

24 Saturday Jan 2015

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There are many little things to do before leaving like alert the trusted neighbors (and give them my house and mailbox key) for security and no overflow of mail. Luckily my mailbox is a very secure lock box and the neighbors are great who I have known for about 18 years.

Empty from the kitchen things that will not be good in two weeks. Setup my living room recliner with adult size bed pads and KY Jelly (and paper towels) for dilation (three times each day). Secure all my weapons and musical instruments.  There is just a lot of little things.

Now I am going to wash my hair, more likely than not the next time I can wash my hair will be in over a week.

I am so sure there will be other things as the night wears on and will handle them as they come to mind. One thing is for sure, I am going out to dinner.

This girl is ready!!!