Swingers club

Several weeks ago I decided after seeing a site on the web about a swingers club I contacted them about details and was offered a tour of the club. So that weekend I did the tour and spent about an hour chit-chatting with the president and his wife and thought that this would be a great place to spend a night on the weekend.

Some specifics, it’s not all about sex, instead after going there the past few weekends learned (and this was told to me at the tour) there is a great deal of socializing from sitting down at a table and talk to playing pool. What I thought was really great was that females have the power rather than the men and there are very strict rules with things like no means no, ask before touching etc. The rules are in plain sight too.

The first weekend my plan was to simply mingle and not participate. After about thirty minutes after arriving I was being checked out, three men sat down with me and talked for just over an hour, or maybe more, hard to tell as I did not look at the clock until I got tired and decided to leave. During this time the president’s wife said there was one man whom she thought we get along but not soon after we started chatting a female came in, grabbed him and of they went. I was told don’t expect them to come out for several hours.

Mid way through the week he emailed me, we chatted which went well. So that Saturday we met and talked at the bar and then he said, let’s hit the bed room. So off we went and he confided to me that he has a wife and is okay with this along with being bi. Also he was shy in a crowd but the complete opposite in the bedroom (I was told this beforehand). Safe to say without going into details other than he was well endowed we had a great time in the sack.

One of the things we talked about was me bringing my strap-on to play, oh my, I purchased one but have not used it yet, maybe tonight but unsure as I was up on their chat area on their web site and was getting signals from a couple (man and woman) in their early forties.

Oh, I really like the casual style for how some dress, there are a handful of females (with a date assuming boy friend or husband) that dress like in the old salon’s in Western movies. So far I have kept to a slinky black dress the first time and last week a black top and red skirt. No I didn’t forget bra and undies as I did not wear them. Shoes for the first two nights where two different pairs of medium high heels while tonight in over the thigh boots.

You can really prepared for this

So it has been 14 months since my gender reassignment surgery were over the past month or so something has been happening that my surgeon Marci Bowers warned me about which is as follows.

You may have times when the simple action of rubbing your private parts against clothing may cause arousal. Well when it first started in the past month it was not that bad and kind of nice, just walking along and things began to get aroused to a point but then got to the point I would have to stop walking else possibly cause a scene for having a full blown orgasm.

Now it’s been crazy over the past two weeks where I will be sitting at work and get to the point I can’t function as I once did because I am dealing with O’s and thinking of what I am doing which really both of these things conflict with each other.

Last Saturday night I attended an event at a Swinger’s club were the club is about both socializing and sex and got asked by several men about my O’s and said in some many words what I liked. I was asked if I was interested in having sex that night and said no, I am simply getting to know the place and people. And oh, by the way I have been experiencing orgasms sitting here talking to you. Two of the men at my table said, well that’s impressive as most woman your age have difficulties in bed having orgasms let alone having when while sitting down and moving their hips.

With that said, while writing the above I had to get up and re-position myself because of the sensations going on down there.

For anyone reading this who is going down the road of having genital reassignment surgery be aware this may very well happen to you too. Best to be forewarned then having this happen to you without prior notice it can happen.

For now I have to deal with this but sure hope things will settle down over time.

Year one


The demise of Kevin, my former self is but a distant memory looking back exactly one year after the birth of Karen.

Several months ago a co-worker ask me (because he had forgotten) when I had changed to Karen and before I could answer he said that Kevin is a distant memory to him even thou he had worked with me for twenty years.  Then two other team members chimed in (we all sit in an open office) and said he remembered and also agreed that my former self was a distant memory.

There are several woman at work that either knew me before while some only afterward that treat me like any cisgender female.

The above to me indicates over the past year I have done things proper, meaning being myself, not resurrecting my former self.

Another indicator is nobody in recent time (looking back six months plus) has asked me any questions about my transition.

If there is anything at all to take away from this entry is leaving the past behind is imperative to enjoying life after transition. When I hit a date such as today, my surgery date I do think back a tad but then move on.

The Danish Girl


I had many struggles throughout my life living in a male body with a female living within and somehow managed to never get suicidal or deeply depressed as something inside of me knew that I could breakout of the my male shell. Many who are or will travel down the same path will not be so fortunate in this regard. They will be  suicidal, depressed and ostracized by both family, friends and co-workers. They may meet an untimely death at the hands of others or themselves. There are others like me who no doubt share a similar story and for them and myself we are semi-fortunate.

If the above was not enough some will find it impossible to afford surgery out of pocket (which I did) while others will be denied the cost of surgery from insurance companies although in recent times a handful of insurance companies are flipping the majority of the cost.

The next hurdle is coupled with cost. One should expect to pay when all is said and done roughly 40,000 to $50,000 dollars for therapist, doctors, plastic surgeons and other cost. Some will take the affordable route which is overseas surgery where a 10,000 dollar procedure. If this is the road taken you may be putting your life in the hands of those medical personal that more likely than not don’t speak English nor do those where you are staying.

To the point, I just watched at the movie theater “The Danish Girl” where a female is inside a physical male body in 1926. She learns of gender reassignment surgery which has not be tried out and volunteers to be the first. The movie overall was about getting to surgery which was not known.

The surgeon indicated two surgeries were needed, first remove the penis then after weeks of recovery create a vagina.

Directly after the first surgery she was in so much pain they had to physically restrain her and sedate her. She is in a hurry for the second surgery where her wife says to wait but she can’t.

Sadly she did not last long after the second surgery before passing.

I left the theater in what seemed like myself but on the drive home I nearly burst into tears feeling sorry for her (not the actor) and could not shake the emotions running though me all the time wishing I could had leaned on someone for comfort.

Two years ago this would never had phased me but now the hormones are in full bloom and with that comes varying degrees of emotional responses.

Any ways, Lilly passed and was a pioneer in many ways. So much pain and she was never fully female in the physical. When I had gender reassignment surgery it was seven hours, stayed under for three hours more. When I woke there was zero pain and no need for a second surgery. Let’s call it one hundred years between her and my surgery and one might say it’s expected that progress was made yet I hear of some people having the same surgery even twenty years ago with immense pain after surgery.

One final thing to say is people like me (and I have said this before) have no choice in the need to physically correct the physical body and Lilly saw several doctors were some did radiation treatments, wanted to drill holes in her head and/or place her into a mental hospital. I bet there are still people in society that believe modern medicine can cure transgender people, if someone is truly transgender that will not happen.

Thanks for reading.    

What’s real

Shopping Well 2015 is coming to a close, have squeezed a lot into this year in regards to surgeries, lots of paperwork and a brand new car and very satisfied with the results. Four years ago this was entirely a dream, seemingly out of reach because I could not give up what I had in regards to teaching self-defense but then realized that I had crammed many years into teaching and as much as I enjoyed teaching I could finally kiss it goodbye to make myself happy overall.

My guess is that many wrestle with similar aspects when they are certain that transitioning is right for them and hope that those riding the line, struggling with making the decision to move forward do so and don’t procrastinate but instead stall progress if they feel as I did, unsure what the future might be. For many uncertainty is “will I still have a job”, “acceptance from family and friends”, “emotional battles from waiting” etc.

I know my surgery was right from many telling me I look content, smile (was told I rarely smiled) often, love female privilege, learning to leave male privilege behind as if I never had them.

I do struggle with silly things like being able to play guitar with decent length nails, changing pads often when wearing a thong (took a long time to master the back end of the pad), what clothes should I wear today (and rummage through through clothes on the floor often rather than the closet), did I wear that outfit already this week?

My taste in movies has change, last night I watched “the age of Adaline” which I would had never watched two years ago but now would even consider purchasing it. I watched it for a dollar so even if I didn’t like it no big deal.

I experience life completely different emotionally both good and bad. There are day that all I want to do is stay in bed and most times have no clue why while 99 percent of the time I am very happy.

Still more attracted to females than males and there has been several times in the past few months I was putty to both genders.

I am fully embracing life both good and bad and excited for what comes next. And finally I owe a great deal to my sister Teri.

My Miata

For years I have been driving a Toyota Camry which was a great car but became boring. My cars prior to the Toyota (and the Camry) were all purchased brand new and served me well yet something was missing. About two years ago the Mazda Miata caught my attention and asked a co-worker into sports cars what he thought of the Miata. He said if you can wait then look at the not released 2016 Miata which I did and liked what I saw.


In August of this year contacted the local Mazda dealer, asked to be put into the waiting list. Three weeks later I was told there was one in stock so I went off and test drove it on a Sunday. After the test drive I told them I would think about the purchase. The sales person said why not take it for 24 hours and see if that will help with the decision. But of course after having it just for Sunday evening I had to have it. Went back and sealed the deal on Monday. Mid week I located a local Miata club and made plans to attend their Saturday morning meeting.

I arrived and a half dozen men came out to see my new car as this was the first one in our area. Did some chatting and then I was invited to take a two hour back country drive. Mind you that I had little experience wit the car but at the end of the run was asked how long have I been driving sports cars? Told them since Monday and was told my driving skills were excellent. The driver whom told me this has 25 years on road and on race tracks. We chatted and I ask about him (I was following him on the drive) about braking as he may had hit his breaks five times excluding stop signs. He told me his thing and I went off Sunday morning practicing in an empty mall parking lot.

The next Saturday I did much better and improved on each drive.

About the fourth drive I was in a round about way tested by following a very experienced driver. We pulled away from the pack and when done waited 15 minutes for everyone to catch up to us. This driver said the same as the first driver, I had natural talent. I told him that even though I drove sedans I pushed them to their limits which I believed helped along with yeah, I have some natural talent and smiled.

To date I have been told when I am comfortable with leading I am more than welcome to do so.

I will close off by saying I truly come alive when in this car rolling through back country taking 20MPH turns at 45MPH and do it safely.

Next month I am installing special suspension to reduce lean in turns as I am not capable of pushing a stock Miata to it’s limits and I need more. The parts come from a company that specializes in only mods to Miata’s and are tested on the road and race tracks.  

Simply horrible

While performing some research I came across a memorializing for 2015 for trans-people who were murdered because they were different and society perpetuates the core problem which truly needs to change in the home before we see a drop in murders.

Some of the deaths were horrendous, being run over by a vehicle multiple times, being stoned to death, burned to death, strangulation.  I was not surprised which countries the murders happened and kind of numb in regards to how these murders were done which in and of itself is scary. Not being numb comes from things I have been involved with not related to these tragedies so all I can do is try and guess at what goes through the minds and hearts of their love one’s.

This is the page for 2015 with statistics going back to 2007.

The general public needs to take note that the majority of trans people are transgender because of a chemical imbalance in their brain. Many times work in the sex trade because they have no choice or have no self esteem because family, friends and those whom they are in contact with see and treat them as trash because they are afraid of things they don’t understand and the big one is it’s how they were raised.

Developer conference

Several months ago I was re-awarded MVP (Microsoft Valued Professional) which comes with it a week long stay at Microsoft in Washington State, fully paid for except the cost to get there and return home.

Today is my third day, each day I they have been serving us the best of the best food and throwing great parties in the evening.

Not once has anyone looked at me any different than other females which is really great which is yet another validation (and I need them) that I am seen as female and not a once male who is now female.

The only issue so far is the entire conference at night is throwing my schedule way off as I usually go to bed around 8PM but here things go until 10PM.

Well time to get back to the conference, there is only a few minutes between sessions.

Wind in my hair

In my early twenties I dated a wild soul girl who had a car to match her personality, a Triumph Spitfire and I had a van which suited me in many ways from carrying tools to work, fornicating, yes it had a bed in the back as shown below. The last thing it was used for was my gender dystopia when it hit I had storage for female clothes, drew the curtain and I could transform into Karen.


JoanI looked around but found no picture of her sports car but here she is in my van. Why did the craziest things were many times we would be running from the local police in her sports car and never got caught. Once we went to New York city to get something in one of the worst parts of the city, I mean people enter and are never seen again, we made it out but was not easy.

Any ways we started sharing vehicles and from that I grow fond of sports cars but never actually purchased one mainly because of her car being available and a friend who let me drive some exotic sports cars so my thirst was quenched until I got married, had children which dampened the ability to purchase a sports car of my very own.

Fast forward twenty some years later were my boss purchased a Mazda Miata. He took me out in it a few times on business and then one day got to drive it and was oh so hooked.

For whatever reason I did nothing, guess I was simply too busy but from time to time thought about getting one. Then about four months before coming out as transgender asked a co-worker what he thought of the Miata. He’s been driving sports cars all his life and is an expert. Well he said “It’s a chick’s car”, why not get something that a man drives?

Another co-worker over heard us and pretty much said the same thing. Me, thinking, if they only knew.

A couple of months passed and I informed my workplace that I was transitioning. Guess what those two co-workers said. You need a Miata!!! Then he says you need to wait until the 2016 Miata come out.

We pulled up pictures of the 2016, yes I am in love with this car. Several months pass and I contact the local Mazda dealer, nope, not in yet. Several weeks pass and I get an email, we have one, want to test drive it?

Next day I took it out for a test drive and roughly two hours later I was the proud owner of this car, not cheap mind you, $30,000. The price tag included everything from turning headlights, auto-wipers, Bluetooth for controlling everything which is activated by voice, touch or joy stick.

The first week I was devious in that I dreamed up reasons to drive the car and always with the top down, wind in my hair never felt so good.

Last week I hooked up with the local Miata club and ended up being the center of attention as I had the only 2016 Miata not only in the club but in town.

We went for a ride in the country for about an hour or so with very challenging curves. Afterwards I was complimented several times on how well I handled the curves. The man who complimented me was the leader and has been racing cars for over twenty years so I knew what he was talking about. For the entire drive he only hit his breaks for stop signs which was amazing if one would had seen the curves.

It’s turning to the rainy season here in Oregon so take every chance I get to drive with the top down and love it.

I still have my old car a Toyota Camry XLE 2014 and not sure about selling it or not. At this point since purchasing the Miata I might have clocked three hours in the Camry tops.

It was been a spectacular year so far, gender reassignment surgery, breast augmentation and now my very own sports car.

I motto now when driving is “It’s all about the curves”

My Miata



US Trans survey

1439949776759 This survey takes about 15 to 20 minutes to complete and is completely anonymous and urge those who identify as transgender to participate in this survey.

Unfortunately the survey is only intended for people residing in the United State. If you don’t live in the United States I would suggest contacting the site indicating you would like to have non residents be able to participate.

Much of the survey question ask about negative live events which I think is more the norm than positive things in the average transgender life and believe the creators are looking to bring this to light for bettering transgender people at large.